Either tomorrow afternoon, or Monday before Noon(-ish), I'm headed into the hills. I've had it with society for a while. Need to detox my soul, my body (sorry, taken too many allergens in lately, so I need a purge period away from most of them), and my head (the first two are jamming up my creativity).
But, before I head out, one last little rant.
Apparently, according to some, I am the sole fault in my current situation, and all bad things that ever hit me in my life.
Yeah, well, maybe I bear part of the blame, but never all.
Look in the mirror, folks. Look into those eyes, and if you can convince that person I'm just a waste of space, fine. Pass that judgement, but be ready for a return judgement from me.
I've had it with folks saying they want my help, but only on their projects, to forward their ends, not mine. Those who aid the homeless claim to understand us all, but act like it's all mental illness, drug abuse, or something else in their little niches.
My only mental illness is a nasty temper, which has a much longer fuse than any think, and moments when my social skills slip away, and I give you the brutal truth, from my point of view, sans tact.
And that is what this is about.
You see, as you have judged me, I feel no more need to hold back the sarcasm, criticisms, or just meanness I've swallowed, a lot more than others think I do. I will no longer be holding that back. You pop off your stupid opinions around me, I'm gonna let you know what I really feel about them. The full, ugly truth about them.
Political, religious, personal, even those on the weather, all fair game.
Once upon a time, I asked God to take away my anger for while, and He did. It left me a poor performer, as He took it all, even the self-anger that drove me to do better after screwing up. Cost me my job, reputation, and some other things.I'm not asking him to take away my tact, I'm shelving it myself, tossing out the social graces, save those I cherish. Reminding folks I had the moniker of Cad applied to me by my grandmother, not myself, I just embraced it, then changed the meaning, as society decided being a cad (ungentlemanly fellow) was stylish, having to take upon myself some of those traits once deemed gentleman's creed, to stand out from the crowd as bucking the trend.
Now, I'm walking away, and the need to impress others no longer matters. All that matters, in the end, is impressing myself, my God, and any critters that wander into my camp. And if you are one of the critters? I'm not going to impress you with social graces, my unwavering faith, or any of that. I'll unload on you for disrespecting me and my honor, if you dare criticize me for being there, being a bum, being "damaged good", or any other crap.
Spout off at me, tell me about how I am not smart, you will get the full taste, until you flee, of my intelligence. Every tiny bit, and maybe, if you take it like a person, not a fucking idiot, I might let you do a rebuttal. But I doubt it, that requires tact, and that I'm leaving on a shelf amid society... a society I no longer really recognize as the one I grew up in, aged to this point in.
See, even now, the edge of the terrible sword of my tongue is tearing through it... so I'll stop now. Just, don't press your luck. I'll have no cares left, once up there, until I come back down, and try to bridle my anger, my mouth, and my mind, with tact again of my own free will... assuming I remember which shelf, and where that shelf is, when I get back.
