Amazing isn't it. When someone blasts you and you fire back, they act like everything is your fault. That your were to always be the bigger man, turn that cheek and let them get away with what they always have.
As I left that last post, I was irritated, but took the blame for things, and I still do, with one minor revision. Major, actually. Every break of bonds has blame on both sides. And it is a fifty-fifty share, not biased as some say. Yes, I have made mistakes, but as I pointed out, so have others, in assumptions and other actions towards me over the years. These things do build up, you may laugh or storm at that as you please. I could care less now. I drew a line in a piece of cement this time, not sand. Crossing it is not death, injury or even humiliation (unless self inflicted from now on), only a set of words very anagulous to a quote from Blazing Saddles. "Son, you're on your own." After all, its what everyone wanted, for me to be on my own, out of their hair. So you cross the line, you get your wish, in steam shovel loads. Not just me out of your hair, but out of your life.
Not everyone seems happy about this. But, what the hell, its my life on this side, I can run or ruin it as I please.
Back to the point though. We all have blind spots about our own culpability in things. None of us, until we have that moment of enlightenment called hitting bottom or a wall, ever really acknowledge what our part in any mess is. This is where the change has to come, on all sides. I know this now. I am not sure if this is what upsets folks more, or if its telling them to pony up to their share of the burden as well. It really no longer matters. In the past, I burnt all my bridges, but folks got on me about that. I had to leave some inroad, some connections to the past. Especially in jobs.
No, actually, I don't. Look, if all we care about is our image, then we will never get anything done. Congress is a prime example of this, a place where everyone is more worried about getting re-elected than doing the job. Or worried about that book deal or commentator job, corporate position or chair at some foundation or university depends on their image. But nothing gets done in a sane way anymore. End the politics part, this is about life not that, but it was the best way to demonstrate the idea.
Take a deep breath. You can yell at my words on the screen or let it out in a sigh of regret, contemplation, or just loss.
Every action of every person causes a reaction, even if that reaction is delayed by some factor of time to the point that we cannot in our view points see the origins of the reaction. And those reactions become actions, et cetera, et cetera, chain reaction. Welcome to life. No, not everyone is willing to conform to what you believe, politically, socially, morally or otherwise. There may be periods when you have fellow travelers on the road of life, but the stretch of pavement you follow may have branches, forks, interchanges with more mainstream views, and interscetions with the trails of the extremists. You are not always in the right lane. You may even get lost. The universe knows I did for a long while. But I have my map out and am consulting it again.
MY MAP. Not Yours, not some guru's, not some preacher's nor some doctor of a science that really cannot be proven. No, just mine. The one marked with my notes, my explorations, MY Beliefs, My Choices, and the Consequences thereof. You have your own map, and the way we go now can take many options, the roads could be the same, be generally parallel with frequent or infrequent connections, or they could diverge into differing directions never to meet again or if they do in ways we cannot now fathom.
So, here it is, this is my words for those who are caught up in that moment. The line was crossed, its too late to take things back on both sides, we all share blame in this world, and one last thing. Regardless of which of the above ways the road you travel compares to the path I chose, enjoy the journey and have a good life. Your journey is yours, and you have your own map. They are not the same, though they all have a similar source, they come from our souls.
I cannot promise to see anyone again, for I don't know this cutoff, but it heads in the direction the trail I once followed did, and I never made the end of that trail, as I got swept aside in the traffic of a busy crossroad. I bear my burden and I will still complain, as even Job complained about his. Be careful as you journey in this life, don't lose your map, and don't worry about me, I have my map again, my compass is reading true again and on clear nights I can still read the stars, and follow the dippers to the lodestar, and hence know roughly where I am. I just hope at some stop on your journey, you realize there is an weight you bear, and adjust the load for your own mistakes, before the burden breaks you.
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