How to tell this? Well only one way I guess, tell it straight, from my point of view, and let any who read it make their own decisions. I am laying this out there for all to read, and keeping the details as to identities scoured off as much as possible to protect the innocents, those caught in the crossfire and keep the onlookers guessing.
I am alienating some friends it seems.
They, like some of my family, think I just make mistakes and excuses for everything that is wrong in my life. Really? I could have sworn I admitted as to what got me unemployed, in fact, I have been BRUTALLY honest about that and other things. But it seems that is not enough. They feel I need to make changes, calm down (like I have the energy to be a raving lunatic, I have gotten precisely three meals this week, and one was only crackers, so bite me) and get on the right path. I might remind one of these folks that the only time he was on the right path was when I had a map and compass he had ribbed me about bringing along, incessantly. That person was very lucky that I always know where I stand, unless asleep or unconscious, and only shot my azimuths out of habit to reassure my companion. Funny, I even had the magnetic declination in my head even though it was not on the map.
.
Here are a few examples: I did not apply for certain jobs the past few weeks because they wanted a clean driving record or valid license. Reality is not I did not want a job, but that in this market, they can find someone who meets all their criteria. My record has a wreck two and a half years ago, not to mention my driver's license is now expired, and cannot be renewed due to my homeless situation. That person may not be the best for the job, but he makes the bean counters and others happy he does not increase costs. So, by not applying, and stating why, I was just making excuses. Put yourself in that employer's shoes, you have a choice, the guy who still works at another job and has a valid driver's license for your delivery job, or the homeless guy with the expired one? Yeah, you really had to stress over that, didn't you, the insurance company made that decision for you. So does the law, no license, you can't drive, so he's out. So why waste your own, and that company's time? But that is just an excuse... or so some fools have said.
Another is my old nemesis. They get upset that I quit a job before securing another. This one, they may be right in one sense, but again, how many of you wasted your previous employer's time and resources looking for and securing your current job while on their payroll? Use paid time off for that interview? Did you print that resume at work, on the QT? Take that call while not on break to schedule or do a phone or real interview? Find it cruising the web on your work computer? This one is a moral issue, one I have long held a firm opinion on, as few companies I have worked for have had me looking on company time. I usually quit, and take the days of vacation I never got to take off before looking even, to get that decompression time between jobs. Is it really fair? To that employer? To your co-workers who had to pick up the slack when you goofed off that way? That is an answer you have to make yourself. I am not perfect in this regard, three times I managed this, but in two of those cases, it was part time jobs, where one or the other offered full time first, and I accepted. The other, well, it was not a good step for me, the wrong job at the wrong company, and I was not at my best without that time off to decompress, reset my mind and attitudes. Sure, everyone else may do this, but it has not been my way, and its disrespectful, of your company and your co-workers.
It is also humorous to me that no matter what job I take, everyone thinks its the wrong job for me. Like they and they alone know my skill sets, experience, and which job environment I am best suited for. This is mostly from those who never worked in the same company as me, I note. Or family, but they fail to understand that I have to be comfortable in a corporate setting. These folks feel I stay too long at the places, never make full use of my talents, and seem reluctant to leave. That I read too much into what folks tell me (this one, I admit, I do, but at the same time, you folks have as well at your own jobs and lives). Yet, no one really takes a deep look at what it is I am showing. You have to give every job a chance, and let it grow into you. Funny, these same folks are the ones complaining I have not had a long term job (I have, just not in the time they have known me). No decision is right. None. So, look, go ruin your own lives, I am doing just fine ruining mine without help. Not all your decisions have been for the best either, people. Stop planning my career for me, especially without a thorough understanding of my skills and comfort zone. Many of you left careers in the past as well, and get defensive when I have asked why you won't go back. If I do the same, I am being unreasonable, strange as that seems to me.
Still need more? Really? Sure it won't offend you? Fine, here we go.
Stop telling me how to have my hair cut. I know what length it needs to be to lay down and not give me a Dennis the Menace or Pissed-Off Porcupine look. No, I am not spiking it or using gels, those attract stinging insects, and I do not react well to being stung. This mane of mine is mine, not yours. You want a style, do it to your own hair, let me go on treating my head like a weed patch. Its okay to remind me the beard needs trimming, but do not think you have the right to dictate its shape or that it comes off.
While we are at it, stop worrying about my taste in clothing. I buy clothes more for function and comfort than looks. And more importantly, based on what I can afford to buy. If colors don't match, I could care less. I am the guy buying and wearing them, not you. Worry about what look you project, stop worrying about mine.
Last, and this is the one firing up the friends, you all have expressed your politics and beliefs for a long time, every time mine started to get out, you all squelched me, acting like you knew what was best for me to believe. Guess what, get used to hearing my politics, and my beliefs more often, or run off covering your ears. Its about time you found out what my beliefs really are, and trust me, they are not what you believe they are or want them to be. Too bad, so sad... yours were not what I really agree with or find palatable all the time either. Grow up and learn that others are allowed their opinions, and realize that my views are no more incorrect than yours are. They are mine, but I have the right to lay them on the line, so folks finally get a taste of who and what I am in reality. I never was the guy you thought I was on issues and politics anyway, and my religion is for me and my God to formulate, not you to dictate how it should be so you feel happy. We all have opinions, just as we all have a certain bodily orifice in our nether regions, and guess what, no one likes the smell of anything but their own on the former, and both if they are twisted up inside.
Still think I am insane? Still think I need help folks? Look in the mirror, most of you are just as screwed up.
Have I made mistakes? Hell yeah. And I will until the day I die, I am human, not a deity. Infallibility is not my strong suit, and I would not want it to be. Am I willing to accept the consequences of my actions? Folks, I was warning folks I could be on the streets as I am now long before it happened. I know that some decisions close doors forever, and I accept that. Can you? Can you really take a step, walk away acting like I am insane, when you may be the crazy one? Up to you folks.
You all have your "demons" as one of you said. I have my own, and to paraphrase Pogo, he is me. You deal with yours, I know mine, and right now all he needs is a job to come through, a good meal three times a week, a cup or six of coffee a day (of which I have only had three in the last 60 days), a pipe or six a day of good smelling Cavendish tobacco, and about 9 hours of sleep for a few days, not the measly 5-6 I have gotten since the year began.
Still wonder why I am grumpy and getting vocal? Think it over, anyone who knows me should realize the lack of coffee alone to be dangerous to any around me. God help you all if the Caf-fiend in my heart ever breaks free.... He really needs some Kona to calm down with.
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